Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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