distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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