Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
