you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
