It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
