Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
