u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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