If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
