Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
