I hate all girls vehemently.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
