just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
