actually, I'm a sock model
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
