i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
