I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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