i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
