i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
