When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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