I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
