Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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