I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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