you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
