I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
