It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
