guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm passing your future prison.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
