Having a random hookup so left but love u
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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