did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
