I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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