I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
