My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
