She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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