i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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