I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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