She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
