My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
