i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
