Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
