I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
