i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
