I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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