I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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