I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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