i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
