There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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