he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
