just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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