I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
