remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
