Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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