i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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