I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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