It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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