Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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