is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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