She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
